“What an amazing pink Christmas tree!” you’re probably saying to yourself, “Look at how bright it is! Only a very strong and brave person could handle such a powerful tree. It’s like having the sun in your living room! And decorating it in lights and glass bulbs! I tremble at the thought of such a person! Who could this person be?!”

It would be me… sure, my family helped some, you know, setting it up, decorating it. The safe stuff. Me? I grabbed danger by the throat and put it in a choke hold: I plugged the tree in.

Sorry ladies, I’m taken.